


knockoff bat

by impravidus



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Justice League - All Media Types, Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: Crack, Dick Grayson is Batman, Dick Grayson is Damian Wayne's Parent, Humor, Identity Porn, Identity Reveal, M/M, Misunderstandings, Secret Identity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-21 07:49:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30018519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/impravidus/pseuds/impravidus
Summary: 5 times people noticed batman was acting differently + the 1 time someone found out why (+ the time someone finds the real batman)
Relationships: Clark Kent/Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson & Justice League, Dick Grayson/Wally West
Comments: 26
Kudos: 229





	knockoff bat

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Squirrel806](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Squirrel806/gifts).



1

Oliver does not want to train today.

His body still aches from his last mission, but the last thing he wants to do is call off his usual training session with Batman and get a lecture on wasting his precious time.

Though Barry technically has the strength of a regular human, he still often relies on his speed and is not at the caliber of fighting that Oliver and Batman are.

So, they train together.

Oliver is surprised as he enters the training room, eyes going wide as he sees Batman doing an intricate stretching routine, his body flexing in ways that Oliver didn’t realize were physically possible.

Batman is clearly lost in the routine, his music blasting over the speaker and his head bobbing slightly to the beat.

Oliver’s jaw drops when Batman contorts his body even more.

It’s then that Batman notices his entrance. 

He pulls himself from the ground smoothly and begins to grin but quickly covers it with his usual passive frown. “Are you ready?”

Oliver grins. “As I’ll ever be.”

Oliver would pride himself in knowing how Batman works. They’ve sparred enough for him to at least have an idea of what he’s going to. Though the man is always adapting, there isn’t usually anything completely out of the ordinary.

So, when his initial lurch towards Oliver is an airborne, more agile strike, Oliver isn’t prepared.

Batman somehow twists his body and sends Oliver flying to the mats.

His back hits the floor, the air knocked out of his lungs. “Where the  _ fuck _ did you learn that?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know, arrowboy?” Batman taunts. He is bouncing on the balls of his feet. “C’mon. Get up. I want a challenge.”

“Oh, I can give you a challenge.”

They circle each other, sizing each other up. Oliver acts first, jabbing at his middle. Batman leaps backwards, somehow managing a spinning kick along the way. It hits Oliver in the gut.

Staggering back, Oliver aims again and Batman flips,  _ actually flips, _ out of the way.

“What the fuck is going on right now?” Oliver mutters.

“Sorry. Habit.” Batman actually sounds a little nervous.

“Where were these habits before?” Oliver questions incredulously.

They continue to fight, Batman falling into a more familiar routine. Oliver almost pins him but never quite does.

Though Oliver would never admit it, Batman kicks his ass with his new arsenal of moves.

2

Barry is _ moments away _ from completely losing it.

Iris has entrusted him to picking the decor for the baby shower but, as per usual, he has procrastinated to the absolute last second and now he’s frantically superspeeding through catalogues of flowers and tablespreads and other things he has no clue about.

“You alright?”

Barry snaps out of speed and freezes. “Batman?”

“You look like you’re having a crisis,” Batman states. He clears his throat. “Are you too compromised for field work?”

“No! Totally not!” Barry says quickly. “Just… lots to do.”

“The baby shower’s this Saturday, right?” Batman asks.

Barry freezes. “How do you know about that?”

Batman stills. 

“Have you been keeping tabs on my civilian life?” Barry huffs. “Of course you have. That’s so on brand for you.”

“I… have to ensure that everyone is maintaining healthy hero civilian balance and is not… involved in anything outside of their costumes.”

“I think that’s just your roundabout way to say you ca~re about us,” Barry says in a sing-song tone. 

“I will not confirm anything of the sorts.”

Barry chuckles which dissolves into a sigh. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Well, what are you looking at?” Batman takes a seat next to Barry to his surprise. 

“Uh, decor. Which I need to get done today.”

“Procrastination.” Batman snorts. “As to be expected by the fastest man alive.”

“Hey!” Barry says, offended. He sighs and pouts. “Yeah.”

“Well, what’s got you stuck?”

“They’re  _ twins,” _ Barry whines. “How are you supposed to do decor for twins of  _ different sexes?” _

Batman’s top half is covered by his cowl but Barry can imagine that he’s giving him an unamused stink eye. 

“What do I do?” Barry questions.

“Stick to gender neutral colors. Pastel yellows go great with peaches and salmons. The more orangey pinks aren’t necessarily feminine.”

Barry’s eyebrows shoot up. “Wow. That’s… actually really good advice.”

“Baby showers don’t necessarily have to be all about the baby. It doesn’t have to feel like you’re decorating a nursery. Do what feels right for you two as a couple and a family.”

“You’re… actually really good at this.”

Batman gives a smile, though it’s not smug or tight. It’s just soft.

“How’s Kid Flash doing?” Batman asks suddenly.

Barry is surprised by the question. “Kid Flash is doing good. He’s doing his thing. Doing really good at it too.” Barry smiles. “I’m proud of him. I really am. He’s… he’s doing what feels right. He’s finally trusting his gut. He’s just… finding himself.”

The twist of Batman’s lips is complicated in a way that Barry doesn’t know how to comprehend. “That’s really great,” he says, his voice tight with emotion. Why, Barry doesn’t know. “Good luck with the baby shower. I’m sure whatever you do will be great.”

And with that, Batman practically disappears.

Barry shakes his head. He doesn’t have time to dwell. He’s got a baby shower to decorate.

3

Billy sits at the kitchen island, Captain Marvel’s big legs swinging in his seat, tapping his red covered feet against the dark metal. He eats a bowl of some of the sugary cereal that has suddenly appeared in Mount Justice.

He never gets to have good cereal. At least, not with milk. Or… not the cold, fresh kind.

Billy savors the taste of marshmallows and sugar doused cereal when a voice makes him jolt.

“Hey, Billy.”

Billy whips around, spilling his spoonful. “Batman!” he squeaks.

“You busy?” Batman asks.

Billy shakes his head quickly.

“I was hoping you could help me with something.”

Billy perks up. “Anything.”

Batman rubs at his neck. Billy would say it’s bashful if he didn’t know Batman. “Well, it’s more of a favor actually.” He chews at his lip. “You know Robin, right?”

“Of course I do!” Billy chirps. His face falls slightly, brows furrowing. “Which one, though?”

“The newest one,” Batman says. “He’s… he doesn’t know many heroes his age and it would do him, and you, a lot of good to have someone to talk to.”

Billy’s eyes go wide with wonder. “Robin wants to be friends with  _ me?” _

Batman cringes. “I wouldn’t exactly say that.”

Billy’s brows pinch together as he tilts his head. “The whatd’ya mean?”

“He needs someone like you to… to help him see the good that heroes can do. He’s had a rough start and he has some trouble deciphering between the greyscale of morality. But you? You are the goodest, kindest, most moral person I know. You will be an amazing influence on him, I just know it. And maybe, hopefully, someday you two  _ can _ turn out to be friends. So, what do you say?”

Billy gapes at him. “That’s the most words you’ve ever said to me at once like  _ ever.” _

Batman laughs, something that is brighter and bubblier than what Billy has ever expected from the man. “So? That sound alright?”

“Totally!” Billy says, beaming.

“How about we join you for some cereal?” Batman suggests.

“He’s here  _ now?” _ Billy asks with a gasp.

Batman nods. “Let me go get him.”

Billy is practically vibrating with excitement. He’s gonna meet  _ Robin. _ He’s gonna be  _ friends _ with  _ Robin! _

Batman says that Robin is Billy’s age which is so awesome! The Young Justice team are all older than him and the Justice League is obviously way super older than him because they’re grown-ups. 

_ Finally. _ A kid to talk to.

Billy stares at the door, jittering excitedly when he suddenly hears a commotion.

There’s a high voice screeching at a quite unreasonable volume which is quickly interrupted by Batman’s low, stern voice. The high voice quiets but continues to spit out venomous words.

After a long pause, Batman enters with a sheepish smile, his hand on who must be Robin’s shoulder, leading the boy in.

“Billy, this is Robin.”

“It’s very nice to meet you!” Billy says cheerful.

“I cannot say the same about you,” Robin says, voice flat.

Billy’s smile wavers. “U-uh, would you like to have some cereal?”

Robin scoffs. “I see that your palette has been tainted by the same artificial, processed sludge that Batman is addicted to.”

Batman splutters. “I’m not—”

“He will attempt to refute this allegation but he is in denial,” Robin whispers conspiratorially. 

“This is your cereal?” Billy questions, freezing. “I’m sorry! I didn’t know! I wouldn't have eaten if I—”

“Don’t worry about it,” Batman interrupts. “There’s plenty to go around.”

Billy relaxes, though only partially. 

Batman goes to the other side of the island and starts grabbing dishes, fruit, and milk. 

“Why don’t you grab a seat, Robin?” Batman suggests, though it’s obviously not something up to debate.

Grumbling, Robin climbs up the stool and plops down next to Billy. 

Billy can’t see his eyes through the mask but he knows he’s glaring at him.

“Don’t mind me,” Batman says. “I’m just gonna cut some fruit. Robin needs to have something fresh in his cereal.”

“As do you, Batman,” Robin states.

“I get enough nutrients on my own,” Batman says.

“I disagree,” Robin says, sitting straighter.

“I’ll cut myself some fruit too. Okay?”

Robin purses his lips that quickly settles into a frown. “I suppose that will suffice.”

Silence falls over the group as Batman begins to cut his strawberries.

“So,” Billy says. “How old are you?”

His posture shifts, his shoulders straight and his chest puffed out as though he is trying to make himself bigger. “I am ten years old.”

Billy’s grin grows. “Me too!”

The lenses of Robin’s mask widen. “You are the first person my age I have met since I have… arrived.”

“Oh, you’re not from around here?” Billy asks.

“You could say something of the sort,” Robin replies.

“Where did you used to live?” 

Robin hesitates. He looks to Batman.

“He lived on the coast of the Indian Ocean,” Batman explains.

“Woah!” Billy says, astonished. “That’s super far away!”

“Correct,” Robin says, shifting uncomfortably. “I am still acclimating to American culture.”

“Well, I can help you out with that! I’m super American.”

Robin’s lips twitch. “Batman and Red Robin have tried to integrate me into society through media, though I think their tastes are severely outdated. Perhaps someone with a more relevant taste could be advantageous.”

“There’s so many movies I haven’t seen yet! We could have movie parties!” 

Robin pauses to ponder the suggestio. “I would be willing to try having… movie parties.” 

“Cool,” Billy breathes. His gaze flickers to Batman who is smiling fondly at the two of them.

Batman brings over the bowl of cereal and fruit to Robin, wrapping an arm around his chest from behind and placing a kiss to his head.

Billy just gapes at them speechlessly. He didn’t know Batman was capable of emotions, let alone public displays of affection.

Batman’s hand slides to his cheek gently, his face so soft and un-Batman like that Billy can’t process the image at all. He’s about to say something but the words get cut off.

“Hey!” Batman exclaims at Robin. “No biting.”

Yeah. Billy has no idea what’s going on.

4

Diana and Batman return to Mount Justice after their mission, Batman stoic and silent as always.

It had been a most arduous mission. A mad scientist made a weapon with the ability to make anything grow and shrink. 

Giant pigeons rampaged the city, crushing buildings between their enormous feet.

Batman continues to mutter about the recovery process it will take, not only with the damage but the unfortunate amount of giant bird poop.

“Batman,” Diana says, trying to draw his mind away from his frustrations. “You have not gushed about your children in quite some time. I have missed your menial tales!"

A small, fond smile forms on Batman’s lips. “The youngest, Robin, he’s… I have faith that he’s going to do amazing things. He’s had a rough adjustment but he’s… he’s unbelievably inquisitive. He’s stubborn but he’s passionate. And when he’s passionate about something, he puts his whole heart into it.

“It has been a gift to see him grow. To know that I had even had a part in helping him get where he is… it’s…” Batman lets out a breathy sigh. “He doesn’t let himself be a kid. There’s… there’s little moments. And they’re… they’re amazing. I treasure these little moments because they’re so precious. We watch movies together and he criticizes them but I can tell,” he chuckles, “I can  _ tell _ he doesn’t hate them as much as he lets on.

“When we’re on patrol, we always stop when we see a stray. He just loves animals. I hope I can get him one one day. He’d love that. He’s so gentle with them. He doesn’t usually let himself be that gentle, that vulnerable. But for those little moments, he’s just a kid with a puppy and he has the stars in his little eyes and it just… it’s beautiful.

“I… I wish he could get along better with the others. I just want us al— them all to be brothers, you know? But they’re all so…” He groans. “Robin and Red Robin are constantly at each other’s throats and Red H—” He cuts himself off. “They are all such great kids but they just can’t seem to get along.

“I think that Robin is… threatened. He tries to push the superiority by blood card because he doesn’t think he’d be chosen otherwise. The others, they were B— my choice. I took them in. We built this relationship together. But Damian doesn’t know how to build relationships like that. Him and… Nightwing, they have been trying to establish the groundworks for a relationship. He’s been showing him that blood is not a finality.

“And I’d like to think things are gonna work out. That Robin will learn how to find love in unconventional ways. To let his siblings in and to somehow work past the years of… abuse he received as a child. But it’s gonna take a lot of work. And I just… so much is going on. And I don’t— it’s just—” He takes a long breath.

“You care for them, no?” Diana asks.

“More than anything.”

“Then you will find a way.” Diana gives him an encouraging pat on the back.

“Thanks,” Batman says softly.

“Now, come. Let us rest. We have had a successful mission and need to recover.”

Batman grins. “Works for me.”

5

Batman sits at the monitors, murmuring quietly to the music playing from his speaker, his knee bouncing restlessly.

Clark picks at his shirt nervously. 

Batman’s fingers are drumming on the console, his hand flicking up when the cymbal sounds in his music.

“Hey, Batman,” Clark says nervously.

Batman stills. “Uh, hey Superman.”

They stare at each other in an uncomfortable silence.

“So,” Clark says. “How are you… the weather?”

“How am I… the weather?”

“Yes! You and how the weather it is you are, I mean.” Clark closes his eyes, face burning hot.

“Well… we are in space. There is no way to know what the weather feels like.”

Clark bursts out into too loud laughs. “Yes! Right! Space!”

Batman just continues to stare at Clark.

“You’re watchtowering tonight? I mean, on monitor duty?”

Batman just glances at the monitors he’s sitting in front of.

“Right. I mean. Obviously.” Clark chuckles again nervously. “How’s… it going?”

“Nothing urgent.”

Clark just nods, too many times to be naturally. “That’s good. Good good good.” 

“Is there a reason you—”

“So you know, uh, you’re a man.” Clark blurts out, cringing at himself already. “And I’m a man. Well, I’m not  _ technically _ a man. I mean, you could argue in the ways that matter, I  _ am _ a man. I’m a man in my heart. That’s what matters. And my heart wants a man. Well, a  _ specific _ man. Which…  _ you’re _ a man.”

“Kal-El,” Batman interjects, voice firm.

“And you’re a great man. Like  _ really  _ great. One of the best I know. You’re selfless and intelligent and you put your everything into everything you do and you care with all of your heart even if you would never admit it and even though you act infallible, you’re so human and so  _ you _ and you’re… you’re amazing. I… I love every moment I get with you whether it be our Sunday brunches or punching out aliens together but I… I just want more moments with you.”

“Kal-El,” Batman tries again, but Clark keeps trekking on.

“Would you like to go out some time?” Clark says quickly.  _ “Dinner, _ maybe. I… I know some great places in Metropolis if you’d like to come to Metropolis or if you don’t want to leave Gotham, you can pick the place, though I’m sure your taste is much more expensive than mine, and I mean, I wouldn’t want to make you pay on a date that I asked you to, but I mean, you’d have to be  _ reasonable _ if you picked the restaurant—”

“Kal-El,” Batman repeats. “I’m… sorry. I’m not looking for something like that right now.”

Clark deflates, trying not to let his heart crushing disappointment show. “R-right. Of course. I… I apologize. I guess I’ve misinterpreted…” He shakes his head. “I’m sorry. I… I hope this won’t—”

“No,” Batman says, softly. “It won’t. I hope that you—”

“I can be professional. I… yeah. It’s… we’re okay. I just…” Clark nods awkwardly. “I should head back. Work tomorrow.”

“Kal—”

“I’ll see you at the next meeting, Batman. Have a good evening.”

Clark definitely didn’t spend his night with a tub of ice cream on Lois’s couch. Definitely not. 

+1

Wally hasn’t seen Nightwing in months. He’s starting to worry. Maybe freaking out. Just a little.

At first he thought it was an injury and he got benched, but it’s been nearly three months and he hasn’t been seen in Bludhaven, and Wally’s getting a bad feeling.

He knows he should’ve asked sooner, but the bats are known for being reclusive and they are very good at avoiding things they don’t want to address.

Red Robin is MIA, so are Spoiler and Batgirl, Robin is… yeah, not even gonna touch that one with a ten foot pole, and Batman is… the last resort.

And it’s the last resort.

Wally has been waiting in the main area of Mount Justice, trying to look casual as he waits for Batman to enter for Watchtower duty.

After a grueling half an hour, Batman arrives.

“Hey Batman,” Wally says.

Batman stills. He turns around slowly. “Kid Flash. What are you doing here?”

“Just, uh, around,” Wally says, not naturally at all.

“Right.”

There’s a long, tense silence.

Wally clears his throat. “You know, I haven’t seen Nightwing recently,” Wally says, aiming for nonchalance. “He doing okay?”

Batman is still and very tense. “Nightwing is…” he trails off. “He is…”

Dread begins to pool in Wally’s gut. “Batman? Is he…”

“He’s,” Batman tries again, but the words aren’t coming. 

“It’s just,” Wally starts, talking quickly and frantically, “he hasn’t been on patrol and no one has seen him on missions and he hasn’t been responding so I just figured it was a bat thing, that he’s just, he’s just taking a break o-or he got… he got hurt. He’s… is he hurt? Is that what this is?”

“He’s not hurt,” Batman says, but his voice is tight in a complicated way.

“So where is he? Just, just let me know he’s okay. Let me know that this is all some big misunderstanding and that I’ll see him again.”

Batman pauses for far too long. 

“Batman?” Wally whispers.

“You won’t be seeing Nightwing again,” Batman finally says.

And then, Wally crumples. His knees buckle beneath him and he falls to the ground, a gut-wrenching sob ripping through his throat. “No!”

“Wally,” Batman starts, voice raw.

“He can’t. He  _ can’t. _ He… I… he can’t be,” Wally wails. 

Batman drops to the ground beside him and pulls him in. It’s too familiar. Too much like Dick. It makes Wally cry even harder.

Wally’s body is trembling as he gasps tearily. “I thought that when I came back that we’d… that it would all work out. That I finally had time. That  _ we  _ had time. I didn’t think— I never thought he’d— and now he’s—”

“Wally—”

“He’s dead. He’s gone and he’s dead and I never got to tell him I loved him.”

Batman freezes. “What?” 

“I loved him,” Wally repeats. “I loved him and he was my sunshine and my world and I didn’t get to tell him because now he’s, he’s, he’s—”

And then suddenly there’s chapped lips on his.

And wait.

What?

Wally jolts back.

He wipes his tears away jerkily, creating as much space between him and Batman as possible. “Uh, Batman?”

Batman tenses. “Shit.  _ Shit.” _

“Batman? Why did you just—”

“Wally,” Batman says, and it’s not in his usual growl, it’s…

No.

Batman pulls up his cowl and Wally gasps. 

“Dick?” Wally whispers with disbelief. 

“I’m sorry,” Dick says, voice cracking. “I’m so sorry. I never meant for you to—”

Wally cuts him off with a kiss.

And then it’s just them. Wally and Dick. KF and Rob. 

Dick’s fingers running through Wally’s bright red locks. Wally’s hands clawing to pull him closer and closer. Their bodies flush as they kiss with desperate, passionate fervor.

There’s a squeak from behind them and they jump away from each other.

“Wally?!” Barry exclaims. He snaps to face Dick. “Batman?!” 

“Wait, it’s not what it looks like,” Wally starts.

“Then what is it?!” Barry shouts. “Wally! Why were you kissing _ Batman?!” _

There’s a crash from behind.

Clark stares at Barry, heartbroken. “What?”

“Wait, Uncle Clark, this isn’t what it looks like!” Dick says.

Clark’s eyes dart to face Dick’s and realization dawns. “Oh. I see.”

Dick nods frantically.

Clark’s face falls. “But that means—”

“I’m sorry,” Dick says softly.

Clark’s breath hitches. “I think I need to be alone.”

+2

Clark finds himself flying to Gotham, knowing that a zeta trip wouldn’t give him enough time to let the news sink in.

He pretends that the air from his flight blowing into his eyes is what makes his vision blur. 

Clark lands outside of the Batcave, going through the extensive security measures with trembling hands.

The cave is familiar. The echoing emptiness is almost a comfort.

Clark staggers to the case that holds the other Batman suits and he lets himself crumble. 

He knows that in this life, these losses are inevitable, but to imagine Bruce — infallible, untouchable Bruce — to be the one that…

Clark’s sobs dissolve into shuddering, gasping breaths.

“Oh, Bruce. Why’d it have to be you?” Clark whispers.

“Clark?” 

Clark freezes. He turns around and through his teary eyes he sees the outline of the Batman suit. “Dick. Look, I—”

And suddenly there’s a gloved hand pulling him closer by the back of his neck and the feeling of soft lips crushing against his.

Clark can’t move. He stumbles back. “Dick, what are you—” And then he really looks at him. Blinks away the moisture pooling in his eyes and wipes them with the back of his hand and he does what he hasn’t let himself do in a long time.

He listens to his heart.

And that’s Bruce’s heart.

“Bruce?” Clark asks, voice cracking. His fingers touch his lips. “You—”

“I apologize,” Bruce says curtly. “That was unprofessional.”

Clark just continues to gape at him. He steps towards Bruce and cups his cheek. “You’re here?”

Bruce nods, the movement barely there.

Clark smiles and kisses him again.

It is then that there are tiny footsteps that come barrelling down the stairs. 

There’s a gasp. “Get away from Grayson you alien heathen!”

Oops. Clark guesses this isn’t the reunion Bruce had hoped for.

Clark watches as the father and son embrace with a dopey smile.

Batman is back. Bruce Wayne is back.

**Author's Note:**

> if you want to chat, my tumblr is [official-impravidus](https://official-impravidus.tumblr.com/)


End file.
